Hell Can't Hold Me, & Heaven Don't Wan't Me

I know ya'll waiting patiently to see what i gotta say,

but where do i start because this is one dark story.

I've been to hell and Lucifer tortured me hellishly

So i escaped climbed my way out of the pit.

i decided to climb my way to heaven, but God said

i honestly wasn't ready.

So if hell can't hold me, and heaven don't want me

where do i turn? 

Where exactly do i go? Perdition? Hell no! i love my 

soul.

I made my way back to earth in search of why such 

rejection from a place that could make me whole.

I found the truth God realized mankind was Just  

as sinful as lucifer was. 

He lost faith, but me i kept praying. Although, as i 

was praying i did evil things, things i got tortured 

in Hell for i shoulda learned my lesson, but yet i 

continued...walking down my lonely path to a 

damnish destination. Heaven rejected me because

i failed to see the truth. Me being me i decided to

question my path, the answer i got wasn't quite 

pleasant....The clouds parted like the red sea i was 

expecting ray's of light and angel's finally welcoming

home, but that day God spoke to me he told me

in order to reach your true destination you must first

follow the path that lead to your destruction to fix all 

things you did wrong, and decide if the choices you made

were the one's you really meant to end all the suffering.

I didnt really understand so God sent me back in time

to retrace every step.

The first step was

1. Losing faith in him, Tossing out his word.

The second step was

2. Commiting mass sins, knowing i was wrong

The third step was

3. Taking my life, and the love of other's who cared.

But in my mind i was wondering how just how do i 

fix all these things?, By admitting i was wrong and asking

him for forgivness? Possibly, but starting at step one i

realized i lost faith in him, could i possibly be forgiven

for such a preposterous decision? So i decided not to ask for

it....I traveled a little futher to me commiting all the mass sins 

i could knowing i was wrong. I looked up to heaven and once 

again i questioned God by asking: Are you sure this is what you

want me to remember? God didn't answer. So during my visit in

my mass sins i decided to commit a even bigger sin. I looked up

to heaven and said " for a God of all creation, When they ask you

a question you are quick to turn your head WHAT KIND OF GOD 

ARE YOU?" so i continued to walk till i reached the destination 

of my last breath when i took my life. I admit slitting my own 

wrist was not the way to go out, and looking over myself i realized

how selfish it was seeing people stand over me crying asking me why

i tried to answer but no one could hear. I finally got the point

in which i was suppose to follow this road the message finally 

became clear.

Losing faith in the one whom created me was my first sign of 

weakness i turned my back on the one man who knew me inside

and out as well as every hair on my head. I rebelled against him

and his will for me to complete and by taking my life i stabbed him

in the heart because he truly cared.

the true message was "By turning your back on me in turn i will try

to save you, only if you ask for my forgiveness and follow a path of 

righteousness or follow your final road of destruction"

I then decided to fall upon my knees, crying, asking for God's 

forgiveness i prayed and i prayed until my eyes were bloody from

so many tear's God then spoke to me my child, your sins have been

forgiving understanding your mistakes you repented faithfully and accepted

me into your life, i understand your struggles i made you.Grabbing me by

my hand he lead me into heaven gracefully. I took my place and served

as i should.

Moral of this nothing is ever as bad as it seem's just hold strong

to your faith and believe and all things will be mad possible.

even though it was my ultimate nightmare it became my ultimate

DREAM!

If My Walls Could Talk

if these walls could talk would they explain my pain 

could they tell the stories behind my vain 

we all sit in silence no one says a word 

my soft cries the only thing that can be heard 

he's hurt me more than any ive met before 

yet i just cant seem to turn and walk to the door 

i handed him my heart and thought he would protect it i was sure 

now i just dont understand why i cant stop crying any more 

he fed me his lines and lifes history too 

he said we'd be a pair always and forever me and you 

that wasnt the case when he broke my heart 

he tore everything down and split us apart 

so now i sit in this dark cold room, the walls all around 

watching the car lights flicker across the ground 

feeling my cold tears fall upon my white t-shirt 

if only these walls could reveal how badly im hurt 

in my perfect world infront of me he would kneel 

tell me he's sorry and that he knows how i feel 

but this isnt my perfect world instead we sit still 

the silence and only the walls are left to know the pain i feel 

if only the walls could talk 

maybe my story and pain would be told 

and then i could turn to the door and walk 

cause in reality i dont need him any more 

and no more tears will fall to the floor 

id be rid of this broken heart 

and be thankful that he has torn us apart 

so tomorrow the light will shine through my window 

and with a smile on my face i will know 

that i'll be okay all alone 

cause i can do bad all on my own!

True Life

PEOPLE TAKING LIFE FOR GRANTED 

WHEN SHITS GOING BAD ITS SAD 

HOW FEMALES GETTING USED AND ABUSED 

AND ITS LEAVING US CONFUSED. 

THEN LOOK AT THE GAS PRICES HOW 

HIGH THEY ARE WE LIVING IN CRITICAL 

TIMES WE CANT GET WHAT WE WANT 

AT THE DROP OF A DIME AND WE CANT 

SAY ITS A SADISTIC CRIME. 

LOOK AT ALL THE ANGER CAUSING THE 

WORLD TO FULL OF DANGER MAN NOW 

WE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER LIKE 

WERE STRANGERS 

BLACK PEOPLE KILLING OTHER BLACK 

PEOPLE JUST LIKE THE WHITE PEOPLE 

WANT US TO DO HOW DUMB CAN WE BE 

TO FALL IN THEY TRAP AND KILL OFF 

OUR OWN RACE WHAT A DISGRACE. 

PEOPLE GETTING PREGNANT HAVING 

FUCKING ABORTIONS THINK ABOUT 

THE WOMEN WHO WANT KIDS AND CANT 

HAVE THEM. 

MEN WHY YALL BEING DUMB AINT 

TRYING TO SUCCUMB TO WHAT 

YALL DO MAKING BABIES YALL 

CANT TAKE CARE OF WHAT KIND 

OF SHIT IS THAT? 

TURE LIFE MAN ITS REAL WE LIVING 

IN STRIFE TRYING TO SURVIVE 

IN A DEATH BOUND WORLD 

THATS NEVER GONE GET BETTER!! 

YEP THATS TRUE LIFE!!!!!!!! 

Am i Dreaming?

my heart is like a deep black tunnel 

to which it has no end. 

i have no remorse on things i have done 

but then again it all depends. 

i've cried to many times even putting myself 

to sleep. 

but just how deep can love really go when 

your heart has been pushed so steep. 

should i sell myself short and feel so 

worthless 

wen really it shouldn't even feel like its 

my fault 

should i give up on something i've kept 

this long 

and move on with my life or should 

i just quit 

how do i know if this feeling i have is real 

or if its truely just another one of lifes 

silly jokes. 

i put my heart on the line one to many times 

all i do is end up hurt. 

but not this time! 

all the questions keep circling in my mind yet 

i still havent found the answer to satisfy 

my search for what many may call true love. 

all i ever found was something i believe is lust 

something that feeds your curiosity till things 

go wrong. 

but in my definition it fed my curiosity long 

enough to make me strong. 

some people come addicted searching for 

something that as of right now i feel isnt real 

or could it be its real i just pushed gaurded my 

heart so tight to the point i cant really feel. 

so my question here is if im dreaming? or is 

this reality? 

and that true love is not real? 

What She See's

if you were to tell her 

to describe her reflection to me 

this is what she would tell you 

that this is what she sees 

i see a little girl 

thats hurt deep inside 

and every single day 

she just wants to hide 

she;s sad through the day 

and all through the night 

cause when she looks in the mirror 

she can't stand the sight 

the color if her skin 

the size of her waiste 

no matter where she goes 

she feels outta place 

they tell her she sexy 

they tell her she fly 

she puts on a fake smile 

cause she knows its a lie 

she hates to go out 

she'd rather stay home 

so she can lock herself up 

and be all alone 

so many wrongly judge her 

on what they see 

she doesn't understand 

why they won't let her be 

She puts up with the joking the whispers and stares 

she puts down her head cause nobody cares 

that their breaking her down from the inside out 

but she chooses to keep quiet instead of to shout 

instead she goes home 

and rests her head on the wall 

cause she knows soon enough 

the tears will all fall 

and as she sits quietly 

they roll down her face 

she wishes she was anywhere 

but in this one place 

and buy this one place 

shes talking bout earth 

cause she feels that inside 

she has no real worth 

the thoughts of suicide 

pass through her head 

but she knows deep inside 

shes scared to be dead 

so she picks up the razor 

and she begins to cut 

she knows that she shouldn't 

but she feels its a must 

the pain is truly terrible 

and she watches as it bleeds 

but she knows the next mornin 

the scars will be seen 

she hides her scars 

like she hides her pain 

she cant tell others 

cause they'll think shes insane 

Shes always in drama 

that she shouldn't have been 

cause she's always just trying 

to help out a friend 

she willing to help 

no matter what its about 

cause she refuses to let them feel the same pain she feels inside and out 

she'd rather make them smile and happy inside 

while she sucks it all in 

and sits there and crys 

so many people think 

this could never be me 

but don't fool yourself 

cause it could always be 

im at the end of her story 

and she wants me to say 

that the beginning of her name 

it starts with an A 

then you add a N 

and a GEL 

and if you can read 

you know what it spells 

its spells ANGEL 

yes Angel as in ME 

cause the story i told you is what i see 

it is what i see when i look at my face 

when i look at my hair, my skin, my waiste 

this story helps me tell you 

the pain thats inside 

the cuts on my arms 

and the tears that i cry 

the days i wanna stay at home 

the days i wanna hide 

the days i wanna run away 

the days i wanna die 

many of you can't understand 

because when you look thats not what you see 

but enough with my sad sad story 

describe what you see in yourself to me....

Last Time Again

**THIS IS FOR THAT SPECIAL PERSON IN MY LIFE WHO 

WONT EVER AND CANT EVER BE REPLACED** 

WHAT CAN I SAY WE'VE BOTH BEEN THROUGH 

BAD RELATIONSHIPS AND WE'VE HAD TIMES 

WHEN WE WANTED TO SAY FUCK LOVE 

AND LET IT GO! 

NOW THAT WE'VE FOUND EACH OTHER 

THERE IS NO REASON TO SAY FUCK 

IT ANYMORE CAUSE I'M HERE FOR 

YOU JUST LIKE YOUR HERE FOR ME! 

FOR THE LAST TIME AGAIN I'M HERE 

TO TREAT YOU LIKE THE KING YOU 

ARE SUPPOSE TO BE TREATED LIKE 

AND PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE 

CAUSE I DONT WANNA SEE YOU CRY! 

I'M DEDICATING MY LOVE TO YOU 

AND PLACING THE KEY TO MY HEART 

IN YOUR HAND! 

JUST DO ME THIS ONE FAVOR THE 

LAST TIME AGAIN 

(DON'T GIVE UP ON LOVE CAUSE 

I'M HERE FOR YOU!!!!)

How can I?

(This poem is for someone speciall 

he knows who he is kisses to him 

though) 

I pose this question to myself 

How can i feel this way toward 

someone i've never met? 

I've only know him for a short 

time but something explosive 

is happening in my mind. 

How can this be love? I mean 

something i cant hide? I try 

to block it out everyday to 

keep this feeling from happening 

inside and turning circles in my 

confused mind. 

But the more we talk the stronger 

my feelings get I mean i cant explain 

it it's kinda tough to get over it. 

How can i be in love? whats going on 

with me for some reason i feel something 

special i just cant put my finger on it. 

I contemplate the time we talk and i never 

wanna hang up but when the time comes i just 

have to consume it. 

He doesn'f understand exactly how i feel but if 

he did he would know everything im saying is 

real. 

How can i lie to him? and not keep it real when 

everyday i talk to him i cant even hide how i 

feel. 

Some days i sit and think can this love be real 

but then one lonely tear drop falls and i know 

its truely love what i feel 

How can i feel this strong for just this one boy 

i guess IT'S GOD'S WAY OF TELLING ME YES HE 

IS THE ONE!!!!!